im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
