We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
As shirtless as possible
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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