I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
