sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you inspire me to be a worse person
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
