He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
