Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
