if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
