so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
