Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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