i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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