I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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