how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
