Betty ford says i'm here all night
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
