I wish I could teleport
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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