absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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