dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
