i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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