Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
