First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
