I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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