Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
