dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize