hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
