we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
