I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Randomize
