Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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