I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
