if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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