how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
