A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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