i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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