3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wish my penis had an off switch
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
