she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
