I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
