hotel room ftw
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
