Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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