i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
