If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
