im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
