I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
