i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
