Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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