You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
