I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
