I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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