Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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