oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
