How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
