Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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