Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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