im gay
i know
yea but for you.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
