I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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