Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
