:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
