like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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