It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
