I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
