laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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