Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It was like giving head to a cactus.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
