so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just pee around me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
