Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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