A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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