dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
