I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
