I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Life is so much better after having sex.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
