yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
