Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
