I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
