Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize