god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
